Attitude is Everything

The title of this post sums up why I think this cycle has been better.  Well, also not being on birth control pills probably helped, too.  But this cycle I really had no expectations.  When my first cycle was cancelled I was torn up.  Going into it I had low expectations of a successful transfer but I thought I’d at least get there.  Not even getting to retrieval was a real blow. 

What did I do wrong?  What did the doctor do wrong?  Honestly, I think it was a combination of both.  For me, I think I read way too much and had a negative attitude going into the cycle.  Since I have such a low AFC I worried every time I’d read that someone with twice as many follicles got only a handful of eggs.  Add to that my fear from before I even started that there was a good chance I would be cancelled.  This was because I had an elevated estradiol level before I started anything.  I read soooo much that my number should have been no more than 50 when I was 191!  I even had my doctor do a pre-baseline scan and bloodwork to see what was going on.  And you know what – the estradiol was even higher – 212!  So I went on BCP for two weeks, which took care of E2 but I also think it really over-suppressed me (this is where I think the doctor messed up).  I also paid way too close attention to the metrics (I’m an analyst IRL).  I made sure to write everything down, ask questions during the ultrasounds, question why I was taking what dose of what. 

So this time around, I was easy peasy.  I didn’t ask a lot of questions.  I “chatted” with my Resolve message board friends more about how they were doing than how I was.  Up until today, my sixth monitoring appointment, I hadn’t even seen a doctor at monitoring.  Just the ultrasound tech and me.  Some are a little tighter with information than others and I decided to go with the flow and not ask detailed questions.  Couple that with monitoring for three days with another nurse calling me, I got very little detail this cycle.

Plus my husband and I met with another RE last week and decided to make the switch to him after this cycle is over.  We really liked him and he had some good ideas of what he’d do differently for my hard case of DOR.  Since I have that backup plan in my back pocket I kind of have the attitude of, if it works, it works.  If not, no big deal.  We go to plan B.

Long Time, No Talk

I used to blog regularly from 2008 to 2012.  After starting to shoot competitively and discovering Instagram, my blog fell by the wayside.  When embarking on this IF and IVF journey I had grand aspirations of regular writing.  As you can see, it's been awhile since my last post. I discovered the Resolve forums and a super supportive IVF Instagram community.  I've spent most of my online IVF time between the two.  Resolve for the super helpful information and support and IG for the camaraderie.  But I've decided that I should get back to this so that I have a journal of this process, should I ever want it.

Where I am...

I started my first cycle, in early May.  In fact, I did my first Lupron shot on Derby Day.  I was on the microdose flare protocol.  According to my RE, this was the most aggressive protocol for DOR.  Before starting this protocol I was on BCP for two weeks to “quiet my ovaries”.  Unforatunatlely I think they were too quiet.  On May 13, 10 days into stimming, my cycle was cancelled.  I had a lead follicle at 14mm and only four others between 7 and 10mm.  The doctor and his colleague said there was very little chance of the other four catching up to the lead so it was best to cancel.  After 41 shots, it stopped.  Just like that.  I was angry, upset, disappointed, sad, and despondent, all rolled into one.  We have good insurance and weren’t worried about the financial aspect of continuing to retrieval but the doctor said no.  I harbored this anger until a week ago.  Slowly, I let it go.  So many people say the first cycle is just a test to see how you respond to the meds.  Well I responded sh**ty!  I wanted to jump right back into the saddle.  Fortunately my doctor was agreeable to this.

I triggered on May 15 so that I’d ovulate and could start right away on a new protocol.  This time around I did the estrogen primed antagonist.  I placed my first Vivelle patch on my belly over Memorial Day weekend.  According to the timeline my doctor gave me, I’d do five or six patches.  Well as I’ve quickly learned with IVF, the timing for this wasn’t right.  AF arrived five days earlier than the doctor thought it would so I only made it to three patches.  I started the injections on May 30.

I’m currently on day 11 of stims and 35 shots in.  This protocol calls for Follistim and Cetrotide in the morning and then Menopur and more Follistim in the evening.  As of yesterday’s monitoring, my E2 is 1,331 and I have nine measurable follicles.  One is 16.2mm and the rest are 10.3-13.7mm.  A much better place than day 10 last month.  I had monitoring again this morning and the follies are still there and growing some.  Yesterday my nurse said that I’ll likely stim until Thursday morning and then trigger that night.

Tomorrow I’ll share why I think I am doing better this time around.