Needles Don't Bother Me

I can't believe I am actually writing that down!  When I was a child, I suffered from migraines.  The pain and vomiting was so bad, my pediatrician taught my mother how to give me shots of the medicine.  This way Mother wouldn't have to rush me to the doctor every time I had an "episode".  Even though the shot brought relief, the medicine stung so badly that it started a small fear of needles.

Fast forward to my mid-20s when I was diagnosed with Hashimoto's.  At the onset, I had blood taken every six weeks for thyroid monitoring.  This went on for about a year.  I got over my fear of needles real quickly.  Living with thyroid disease has caused me to get blood drawn at least six times per year.  So yea, needles don't bother me any longer.

When I found out I would need to do IVF, and four injections a day, I started to panic a little.  While I don't mind injections/blood draws any longer, I've not had to do them to myself!  JDD and I took an injections class with one of the nurses from our clinic.  We practiced mixing Menopur, priming the Gonal F pen, and filling the teeny tiny syringe with Lupron.

So we're ready.  Yet, not ready at the same time.  I know a lot of women have their husbands give the injections but I am pretty sure, when the time comes in about three weeks, that I will do them myself. I like to be in control and know that I'd rather hurt myself than be mad at JDD for hurting me!  And I have already gotten the information for a nursing service you can hire to do the trigger shot.  I'll definitely be engaging them!

TMI

TMI… No, not gory fertility treatment details.  But rather all the information floating out there on the interwebs.  Blogs. Forums. Pharmacy sites. Infertility awareness sites. Even before we found out we were going straight to IVF, I had been reading a few sites, mainly to see what my numbers meant. Well since we got our diagnosis and treatment plan, I spend several hours a day, on and off, online reading reading reading.

I've realized that I need to stop this.  The stories from the girls on the blogs and message boards are moving.  But they are that girl’s story.  Whether it was a successful process or she’s doing IVF for the fifth time.  Even with the successful stories I read, I worry” “oh, they had success but I surely won’t”.  And with the posts about struggles, I feel, “her numbers are so much better than mine and it didn't work for her”.

I've even gotten to the point that I feel with great certainty that the treatments won’t work, that I've compiled a list of REs that specialize in DOR.  Yes, I’m already making a Plan B when I haven’t even started Plan A yet.

A lot of the information I've found is helpful.  Because of the posts, I’ve started acupuncture (more on that later), increased my CoQ10 dosage, and started DHEA.  I also had ~two dozen questions that I asked of my RE last week, much to his dismay (more later on that one). 

I think from this point forward, I am only going to read message board posts that apply to something specific for my situation, and only after I get started.  For example, after I start the stims, if I find that I’m having headaches, etc., I’ll search out advice for what others did.  No more random reading of girls who got 20 follicles or what feelings/symptoms to look for during the 2WW.  The former will never happen to me and the latter will just make me crazy when I get to my own 2WW.

I need to realize that this is MY experience.  It won’t be like anyone else’s.  And that’s okay.